Yosemite - What's Buzzin Cuzin
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| Ain't she purty |
YO-YO-YO-YOSEMITE IN DA HOUSE!
My favourite form of nature is woodlands so for me getting
to visit Yosemite is a little slice of tree
heaven. I also hoped I would meet Yogi Bear but that turns out to be Jellystone
Park, which according to google maps does not exist (pah, what do they know BooBoo).
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| Don't go chasing waterfalls |
If you’re a visitor to San Francisco
you can join a day tour to Yosemite National Park , which
involves an early start, a long bus journey, and a train ride. When my Dad was
visiting we took a chance on this and it’s not as bad as it sounds, bring a
book or just sit back and take in the passing fields of sugar cane, the rows of
swaying corn, the slender almond trees and the graceful grape vines.
Or, a group of you can pile in a car, slap on some music,
get lost together (hard to get lost separately when you’re in the same car) and
discover little dinky towns for pitstops, picture snaps and poking good natured
fun e.g. Copperopolis – a genuine mining town but with a comic book name.
If you go the tour option you’ll catch a train in Modesto , it is
agriculture central and is famous globally, apparently. California , in case you didn’t know, grows
more crops than anywhere else in the world. All I can remember was that it was mighty hot and smelt of manure. Oh and the guide told us it has high
unemployment, very high poverty rate and an extremely high rate of
incarceration. I’m probably not going to scope out a summer house there but I’m
sure it’s not all bad and is probably quite charming, it’s where the director George Lucas grew up.
When I travelled to Yosemite
in a car with a group of friends we took a different route and stopped in a one
horse town called Murphys for lunch. It’s got some winery action going on, which I must come back for someday, something tells me it’s not used to international visitors. We were nicely asked by three people at
the place we had lunch “D'ye mind me asking, what brought ya here?”
Oh, important thing to note, when you’re outside of main
towns it’s very hard to get radio reception. We spent most of our trip
listening to the only two channels we could tune in: Christian Rock and some
Cowboy FM carry on that had the wonderful slogan “What’s buzzin’ cuzin?” -it’s
my new greeting of choice.
You’ll notice as you get closer to Yosemite
that the grass looks different. Ok, you won’t notice this cos who the hell
does, but apparently it is different. Many moons ago when the Spanish colonised
this area they brought their own cows over from Spain . The cows pooped (I can’t
think of a more delicate way to say it) on the US
soil having eaten the grass in Spain,
therefore the seeds from the Spanish grass were sown. I know what you’re
thinking… sounds like bullsh**. Ba-dum-tish!
As you enter your approach to the park you’ll notice little
pockets of tiny roadside dwellings. Approximately 90,000 people moved to California during the
goldrush, most of them men. The hills around Yosemite
would have been dotted with goldmine tents.
There is a story of one lady who ran a supply station for
the miners back in the day. On the day her husband died she received 60
proposals of marriage. I wonder how many of them had their own teeth! The chap
she eventually chose had the surname Priest, you’ll see the Priest Station on
the roadside.
The fact Yosemite exists as a
state park is largely down to a Scotsman – John Muir. He was a naturalist (hope I
spelt that right!) and believed strongly in the preservation of the wilderness.
He essentially created the park as we know it. As the story goes, in the 1800s
he decided to walk from San Francisco to Yosemite , yes walk, with just teabags and flour for
provisions (I’ll avoid any jokes about tight Scotsmen or comments on their
cuisine. I’m sure he used the tea and flour to whip up a gorgeous feast for all).
One of the main reasons people go to parks in California is surely to
see a bear. Don’t mind people talking about the trees and the hikes, that’s all
lies, they want to tell everyone back in suburbia that they went to Yosemite
and had a Gangnam Style dance-off with Yogi Bear himself.
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| Something to bear in mind |
As I was navigator extraordinaire on the group trip I had
spent the 4 hour journey with my eyeballs unflinchingly trained on the road.
Then, for one leeetle mili second I flick them back to my map and the car
explodes with roars “DID YOU SEE IT?? DID YOU SEE THE BEAR?? IT RAN RIGHT IN FRONT
OF THE CAR!”
I don’t friggin believe it. I missed the bleedin bear, ggggrrr.
I have seen bears in Canada
so that was of some comfort to me, but damn you Californian cuddle monster, we
shall never know how beautiful our connection may have been.
Contrary to popular belief there are no grizzly bears in
California, only black bears. Contrary to popular belief black bears are not
black (don’t be silly) they are in fact brown. On the bus tour the guide
advised us not to feed the bears if we came across them – yeah, I’m thinking
that’s a given.
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| Can't believe I took this photo with my phone! |
The descent into the majestic Yosemite
valley is long and winding and will leave you gawping in wonder at
it’s almost unparalleled magnificence. While on the tour bus the guide said
“What animals do you expect we’ll see in the park?”, one of the English tourist
gleefully yelped “Mice, Mice, oh I do hope we see some mice”. WHAT?! Mice? This
is America ,
go big or go home….mice… this isn’t Wind in the Willows. If you want to see
mice go to any London
tube station. I was personally mortified for them. Instead, what you can expect
to see are bears, deer, coyotes, mountain lions, falcons, ravens, and
rattlesnakes. Mice? Give me strength.
If you want to stay in Yosemite
there are lots of ways you can do it but whatever you choose you have to
remember to book it well in advance. I would say give it 2-3 months if booking
a hotel or a site for your RV, and if camping you’re looking at a booking up to
a full year in advance. If you don’t have luck securing accommodation in the
park there is always the option of staying just outside the park and driving in
everyday, people do it.
If you do camp remember to put your food in a bear locker. A
bear will rip a car door off in 5 seconds with its claws. I heard a story of
someone who left just one candy bar in their car and a bear tore the car apart
to get at it (understandable, sometimes you just need yo candy!).
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| Dad outside Yosemite Lodge |
We stayed in the Yosemite Lodge at the Falls, which was
basic accommodation but not cheap. It’s easy to find the trails from the hotel
and you can do as much or a little as your fitness level will allow. Definitely
check out the Yosemite Falls trails, the Lower Falls
There are moderate hikes you can do like the Columbia RockTrail which will bring you into the wilderness so the trees grow closer around
you and the squirrels run across your toes. There is something about the
innocent smell from trees and the gentle sounds of wildlife that brings a deep
serenity to your soul and renews your zest for life. I’d recommend getting up
early to maximize your alone time with nature but even with other folks
trickling through the park it’s easy to tune into mother earth. That’s why
everyone’s there!
Then there are vicious hikes like the 4 Mile Trail that go
up and up and will have you sweating and sucking on your camelback, but with
rewarding stunning views over the valley.
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| North Face logo |
If you are a total headbanger and want to scale the Half Dome or El Capitan you can do so, but I think you need to get a permit to climb
the first of those; It’s nearly 5,000 feet high and interestingly is the basis
for the logo you see on all North Face products. El
Capitan is about 3,000 feet high and is a favourite for rock
climbers.
And, in my recollection, while you hike you will often spot
the rock climbers; I don’t know how they do it! On a previous hiking holiday inPeru I remember some
Californian girl on the trip banging on and on about how she had conquered El Capitan . At the time it went over my head, I thought
she was bragging about her sordid past with some Mexican dude, now I get
it, very impressive indeed.
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| heigh-ho heigh-ho it'ss off to hike we go |
If you want to make sure you see everything, or if you’re
not in the mood for a hike, do a Floor Tour of the valley. The open air bus
picks you up outside the Yosemite Lodge hotel and takes a couple of hours.
There will be some cringey moments when the driver will make you do Y.O.S.E to
the tune of Y.M.C.A. But they will make up for it by playing Johnny Cash music,
legend.
You’ve hiked, you’ve taken in the view, you’ve been up close
and personal with nature, you’ve exchanged stories about trees and wildlife,
you’ve got some blisters, you’re a little sunburnt, you reckon you’re Grizzly Adams and feeling pretty awesome… what next.
Well, if you fancy eating somewhere other than the campfire
(which is usually your best bet) try the posh Ahwahnee hotel. We went there as a
group, and the hall you dine in is straight out of Harry Potter’s Hogwarts. It
is almost church like, with drop down gigantic windows that frame the wonderous
nature you just left. The food isn’t as posh as you’d expect but it’s
plentiful, and I hear the brunch Bloody Marys are a hikers staple.
I adored Yosemite and think it’s a must see for anyone who
makes it to California .
It has totally inspired me to try and see as many national parks as I can.
Plans are already afoot to visit the Utah
wilderness.
But first, for something completely different… Texas!
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